Porque era tan perezoso para escribir de vi viaje a las Islas Catalinas...

En primer lugar, para cualquier persona que pueda haber estado esperando que publicar algo acerca de mi viaje:
Sí, lo había planeado escribir eso. Sin embargo, debido a la pereza, siendo ocupado con la escuela, y otros factores que no puedo pensar, yo nunca lo publicó. Había conseguido incluso tomar 161 fotos durante esa época - no todos de calidad profesional, pero suficiente todavía - y que esperaba se aproveche de ellas antes de pensar "No vale la pena" (si así lo desea, sin embargo, voy a publicar un enlace a la carpeta donde está). En cualquier caso, era una maravilla poder salir de Tucson / escuela por una semana y en realidad tienen una vacaciones de primavera. No me malinterpreten, me encanta Tucson y realmente me gusta la escuela ... más o menos (ver más abajo para más información), pero yo estaba pasando una semana con básicamente todos mis amigos en la escuela en la isla bonita. De los amigos, de una manera llegué a conocer a mi grupo de estudio superior (estábamos estudiando el primer semestre del Evangelio de Marcos, por lo tanto, Marcos 1). (Yo estaba a punto de escribir algo más, pero probablemente voy a esperar hasta que esto pensé en escribir se vuelve más significativa o se aleja.)

Pero, ahora que he regresado de su viaje, he encontrado un nuevo problema: aunque me gusta la escuela y el mayor / menor estoy estudiando para, en cierto modo me parece que el viaje me dio el impulso para salir de la país por un tiempo para un viaje de misión. Antes de que me salvó por Dios, una de las cosas que me atrajo a Gracia a las Naciones fue la posibilidad de ayudar en una iglesia o dos en Hermosillo, México. Eso nunca ha pasado, aunque ahora he estado trabajando como voluntaria en el Centro de Alcance - que posiblemente se involucren más con la comunidad de refugiados si tengo el tiempo. Y luego está el factor de que muchos de mis amigos en InterVarsity han ido en estos viajes - principalmente a China. Michelle va a Kenia y Vi se va a China durante el verano, y Molly (la hermana menor de Vi, compañera de Marcos 1, y una amiga) que, hasta donde yo sé, se va a Vietnam el próximo verano. Debe tenerse en cuenta que la evangelización en China se llevó a cabo en su mayoría cerca de una de las universidades (por la vida de mí, no puedo recordar dónde) y no recuerdo que haya ninguna represión por parte del gobierno. La idea de ir a China no le sentó demasiado bien conmigo, sobre todo porque yo no hablo el idioma ... y, en definitiva, quiero ir a Europa!

Para ser honesto, lo que mucho de esto se reduce a que, aunque estoy muy contento donde estoy ahora mismo, yo también estoy buscando algo nuevo. No creo que me puede llamar "estar cansado de la escuela", aunque sólo sea porque es un sentimiento con ganas de hacer algo nuevo en lugar de no hacer nada. Podría ser que estoy cansado de desempleo, pero lo que quiero hacer algo significativo. Si significa evangelizar / voluntario para ayudar a alguna iglesia en un país extranjero / lo que sea, siendo un pasante por alguna organización local relevante para mi trabajo principal, o remunerado ... Y cualquier cosa relacionada con el viaje de la misión tendrá que pasar el año que viene, porque tengo una clase más que tengo que terminar en el Pima College y luego he terminado con esa parte de la escuela! Y luego, por supuesto que voy para mi maestría ... sí, tomando un tiempo libre para recargar y renovar me podría hacer algo bueno.

Because I was too lazy to blog about the Catalina Island Trip...

First off, just to get it out of the way:
Yes, I had been planning to blog about that trip. Due to laziness, being busy with school, and other factors that I can't think of, that was never posted. I even managed to take quite a few pictures, and I planned to use that in there. Long story short, it was great to be able to get out of Tucson/school for a week and actually have a Spring Break. Don't get me wrong, I love Tucson and I don't actually mind school too much (see below for a disclaimer), but I was spending a week with some of my friends basically all of my friends on campus on this pretty island. Of those friends, I sort of got to know my Mark 1 group (studying the first half of the Gospel of Mark) better. (I was about to write something more, but I'll probably wait until this thing I thought about writing becomes more meaningful or drifts away.)

But now I've come back with something else: as much as I like school and the major/minor I'm studying for, I think the trip sort of gave me the urge to get out of the country for a while for a mission trip. Before I got saved, one of the things that drew me to Grace to the Nations was the possibility to help out at a church or two at Hermosillo, Mexico. That's never happened, though now I've been volunteering with the GO Center--I'll possibly get more involved with the refugee community if I have the time. And then there's the factor that several of my friends at InterVarsity have gone on such trips--mainly to China. Michelle is going to Kenya and Vi is going to China over the summer, and Molly (Vi's younger sister and fellow Mark 1 group member) who, as far as I can tell, will be going to Vietnam next summer. I should state for the record that evangelism in China was mostly done near one of the universities (for the life of me, I can't remember where) and I don't recall there being any crackdowns by the government. The idea of going to China didn't sit too well with me, primarily because I don't speak the language--I'll need to check to see how important that really is, although I have an issue with going to a different country where the locals don't speak English--it feels rude of me to expect that from them... to heck with it, I want to go to Europe!

To be honest, what a lot of this comes down to is that, while I'm pretty happy where I am right now, I'm also looking for something new. I don't think I can just call it "being tired with school", if only because it's a feeling wanting to do something new instead of doing nothing. It could be that I'm tired of unemployment, but I want to do something meaningful. If it means evangelising/volunteering to help some church in a foreign country/whatever, being an Intern for some local organisation relevant to my major, or gainful employment... And any mission stuff will have to happen next summer, because I've got one more class that I need to finish at Pima College and then I'm done with that part of school! And then of course I'm going for my Master's... yeah, taking some time off to recharge and refresh might do me some good.

So, February 19-25 was sort of eventful...

First off, yes, I haven't posted anything since I finished my fast--I'll also go ahead and post the (hopefully!) completed version of the skit in another post--I'll go over that in here later. Part of it is because of school--I'm focusing my time on that--and, frankly, I don't really think that there was much going on in my life worth writing about. This week, though, there is.

Wednesday:
The week before, if I remember correctly, I had a test for Public Policy and Administration. Long story short, while Part 1 (Multiple Choice) got a good grade I had to read out Part 2 (written version) due to readability issues.

That evening, as usual, I had Fusion--I'm sure I've gone over what that is before, but I'll answer anyone who isn't clear on it. We didn't have time to break off into discussion groups, so we got into groups of three for prayer. One of the things that was on my heart (though it's the only thing that I can think of from that moment) had to do with my dad and "immediate" stepfamily. For context, they--my dad, stepmother (April), stepbrother (Luke Grove), and stepnephew (Leavi Mitchell) (son of my youngest stepsister--Jessica)--all live near Flagstaff with my grandmother (who moved in a couple of years ago). I'm not exactly close with them for different reasons, and I prefer keeping this blog a secret from them, but they're still family. Their financial situation has never been the best, and it looks like my dad's previous source of income as owner of his small business/website Lobogunz (buying and selling guns and ammunition) hit a snag--the last time I heard about this, he was going to North Dakota to work on oil wells there.

Another thing is that, except for my grandmother (who I'm sure hasn't been able to go to church in a while), none of them believe in God. From what I understand, my dad used to be a Christian, was a nominal believer when I was younger, and stopped believing around the time I was 8 or so--my best guess. I have no idea whether or not April knew Christ, and I never bothered to ask her about it, but she's not a believer now. (I might also add that, after thinking about this, being around them may have planted a couple of destructive seeds that led to my previous lack of belief in God, among other things) As such, neither Luke nor Leavi are believers and that was part of my fears: that they never will, and their eventual destination will be separate from the Lord. This wasn't the first time I felt this, but it never really struck me at any magnitude until either August or September 2010. This was before I came to accept Christ back into my life, but there was this very same thing tugging at my heart--that they'd be going to Hell. I've been thinking/praying about it off and on since that night, but I was also given reassurance that their fate isn't carved in stone. Does that mean they'll be saved eventually (or at leasst one of them)? I don't know. Do I want them to be? Absolutely--I'd want them to know God as the Benevolent Heavenly Father that I know Him as. And I also know that, if I'm going to be asking for this to come, I have to invest something for this to happen--time, effort, love, or whatever I need to. I'll also need to fight my doubts and insecurities--I can't simply say that I can't do this, that I don't have the power to help change their destinies. If nothing else, I might be able to influence Luke and Leavi.

Thursday:
That evening, we had a meeting for Grace Drama--as I said before, the script is either completed or effectively done--where we went over some things about it: we'll be starting to rehearse almost every Saturday until Palm Sunday (I'll be one of Jesus' Disciples), and we've got quite a few cast members for both the English and Spanish services (we finally have the people we need to play all but the crowd/rest of the Disciples). I am so EXCITED!!!

Immediately afterwards, there was a memorial for Jonathan Centeno. I initially knew him only as being Wendy Reyes' boyfriend/probable future husband (if I remember right)--for context, Wendy is one of my friends at Grace. So, I figured he had to have been a decent guy. That Sunday, though, they were in a car accident. She survived, albeit shocked; he didn't make it. Out of respect, I decided to attend. Now, they were having the memorial in the Large Chapel, which can seat around 1,000 people. When I got there, almost all the seats were full. As I later found out, Jonathan was a man of God, well-known and cared about by not only hundreds of people but a handful of pastors (including a couple of those that work for Grace). It didn't take too long for me to think, "Wow, I really wish I knew this guy!"

Friday/Saturday:
Steve and I had been planning to go to The Rock and Worship Roadshow since a few weeks ago. It's basically this touring concert featuring all those bands on the home page--note: Bart Millard is the lead singer of MercyMe.

• I got up at around 5:15 a.m. so I could be awake enough to meet Steve by 6:15 or so.
• 6:30-ish, I wanted to take a picture from inside his truck looking outside, as sunrise hadn't exactly come yet. I soon found out the batteries in my camera were dead, so I couldn't take any pictures.
• We ate at Cracker Barrel for breakfast, got gas, and immediately got back on the road. Somewhere between 6:15 and this point, out of lack of much of anything better to do I started writing notes on my copy of the script. I had also noticed that gas prices were higher than usual--figures that they'll try to get a head start before Spring Break.
• We were also planning on going to the Arizona Science Center. I guess we both assumed that it would be something like the Science Museum in Minnesota--I highly recommend it if you're in the Twin Cities for any appreciable length of time. Alas, while it wasn't totally boring, it was mostly designed for younger children--a field trip from some local school was there, and they were definitely more in their element there than were were.
• Soon after, we ate at the Tilted Kilt--a nearby restaurant--for lunch and at the Hard Rock Cafe a little later. Somewhere during that time, we found the motel and got our room.
• It was around 4:30 when we got in line--not too bad, all things considered, and we (along with pretty much everyone else in the line) actually ended up moving ahead closer to the doors. I couldn't really see it, as I couldn't really be bothered to leave my spot, but it seemed that the group of people was spreading quite a distance away (there was around 10,000 people that attended).
• About two hours later, we finally got in. The show itself started at 7 and lasted until 11. Fun was had.
• The next morning, we left to get some late breakfast/early lunch at El Pollo Loco, went to Bass Pro Shops (Steve was looking for... something, I dunno, and I was just looking around), and then went over to Ikea. I had never gone there before, but I had heard about it off and on. Steve got a few things while I got a chocolate and hazelnut candy bar, lingonberry preserves, and a case of 10 batteries--as I later found out, the batteries didn't work for my camera. We ate at Honey Bear's Barbecue due to a previous recommendation by one of Steve's friends--supposedly, it was just as good, if not better, than Famous Sam's. While the food was okay, his friend was mistaken about the quality.
• Got home around 5:30.

I'm not sure what my next post will be on--I'm thinking of posting a story idea I've been developing, and if that goes anywhere I'll work on Chapter 1 of it.

First Few Days at University, and a few other things

I'm not sure who or what I should properly credit for this--my time at Pima College, my Transfer Strategies class, both, or something else entirely--, but I'll say the following: I wasn't too overwhelmed by my first day. The only thing that I can say was some trouble finding where my classes were, and even then that's not much of a complaint. Going from ~20 people in a classroom to ~80 in one and at least a couple hundred, while odd, isn't so bad for the moment. If anything... I haven't really met anyone there I recognise from either Pima or Benson; for the sake of my sanity, I'll want to make friends here as soon as possible. While my friends at Grace To The Nations have been good, I'd rather not rely on them (or the handful of friends I chat with online) for socialisation. If nothing else, I can try to get to know one of the Teachers' Assistants--that's always useful, I suppose.

I'm going through what's called a "Daniel Fast"--21 days long--which officially started today. I chose to take a fast from soda and most fatty foods (anything higher than 5 grams of fat), along with trying to get closer to God. Aside from being hungrier than usual (I need to find better sources of food), it's going pretty good so far. Okay, so not only does it include soda, but rich foods and sauces, meat (and dairy products?), and desserts. Everything else that I said applies, and I'll have to cut down on my internet time.

Not sure if I already wrote this or not, but back in mid-December I sent out a package to my friend (Yanina) and her 8-year-old daughter (Lara) in Buenos Aires for Christmas--Lara got some art supplies (stuff like glitter pens, coloured pencils, paper) and cards for both of them. They got them today, and both were very happy. Therefore, I'm happy that they're happy and that it finally got there. If I haven't made this note on here, I'll have to remember to use FedEx or a better alternative for stuff like this--Postal Service didn't seem to work.

Friendship Part 2

I was originally going to write this about the friends that I've made since graduating from High School (well, the ones that stand out), but after posting a link to Part 1 on my Facebook, a friend, Brittany Watson, requested the following:
"I was looking forward to more detail about the social connections in high school. I'll stay tuned".
With that in mind, I'll try my best, though I'm guessing you meant how they related to me--if you meant in general, then I might not have that much to write. As you know, it's been less than 4 years since I've graduated, and quite a few of those details are pretty fuzzy, even if you account that I wasn't exactly that aware of what my friends' social lives were like. And if anyone's reading this, thinking, "Who are all these people?", sorry--I'm somewhat writing this for the sort of people who know at least some of these people already.

Freshman Year:
As I said before in Part 1, I came in mostly knowing the friends I had from Pomerene, although there were a couple of people I knew from 4th grade in Benson (basically, Mitchael Richards and Megan Ellsworth). Through the various classes I took (English, Math, Biology, History, Journalism, and probably one other), I started making quite a few of my core friends from High School during this time; I may have still kept to myself more often than not, but at least I could say that my social circle was widening. I'm not sure how relevant this is, but during this time I was on the Basketball team and the Golf team (during fall and spring, respectively).

Sophomore Year:
I can't really remember there being any additions made to my number of friends (aside from what I'll say below--I'm just typing this down from memory), so I'm pretty sure this was a point where I was developing to what I had. To be honest, I can't remember much about this time, although... If it wasn't Freshman Year, this was the year that the Melvin Klan (a group of friends who liked to joke around, play pranks, and such) formed--I wasn't a member, but I got to know pretty much all of them. At the time, I wasn't really used to that sort of thing; in retrospect, however, they weren't too bad--I just prefer to keep my distance from them these days.

Junior Year:
This is when things get interesting. In Part 1, I mentioned how I ended up joining the Drama Club and was in Concert Choir. I already knew Nathan Walls and Alex Heckman since Sophomore Year (those two were in both Drama Club and Choir; I'm sure I knew a couple others that were in both, but I can't remember), although the reasons for joining Drama Club was because my mom wanted me to be in an extra-curricular activity--I didn't do that in Sophomore year. What resulted from this were a number of changes. For one, I made quite a few friends in both Drama and Choir--in the former, not only did I practice with my troupe, but actually got to work together doing something constructive and helped bond with some of my peers. All that, plus acting sort of makes you break out of your shell--you're sort of expected to express yourself in these sorts of conditions. Another thing was having a Spanish class. Now, for those who have never been in a class like this, you're expected to talk--with your neighbour, to the teacher, and to the class--in a language you're not completely familiar with; in my case, I barely knew anything about the language beforehand, so there was that added factor.

Senior Year:
In some ways, this was like my Sophomore year--not so many friends added aside from some of the exchange students, so it was more development. The things I learned from the previous year with regards to not being so withdrawn had changed me. I can remember being in Algebra class that year, and hearing Mr. O'Callaghan's comment towards me--that I had gone from someone who mostly kept to myself and never really talking with anyone around me to someone who felt more comfortable chatting and helping out my friends with their math problems. On the down side... (Stay on topic! Stay on topic!) Okay, on the down side, my emotional maturity wasn't the best. I don't care what you call it--hormonal flux, needing to get my head out of my backside, or whatever. In some cases, I was honestly not as good of a friend as I should have been. I don't want to get into detail about some of that, but let's just say that those were parts of my life that I do not miss.

Friendship (Part 1)

Normally, I would be making this post about my first class at the U of A, and I'll do so in my next one. But, instead, I felt I ought to start talking about something that, if my friends don't know this already, you all should know. It's basically about friendship and how it affects me. And part of me doesn't want me to do this, as though it makes me look like I'm needing a pity party (trust me when I say this: I've gotten over the stuff in the following paragraph! I just wanted to get this out of my system). If I post this, then I've either reworded this enough so I don't think it'll come off that way or I don't even care. And, yes, I might be rambling a bit here.

I've thought about writing about this before I started this blog, but I imagined that it would be under different circumstances. And then I went and got all paranoid after a friend (who will remain nameless) said she would be going through what I would call Spring Cleaning of her friend list. We hadn't spoke in a while, and for reasons that now sound very stupid I thought I'd be lucky if she counted me as an acquaintance. Basically, I got (a little) paranoid about it and was looking for some closure (am I totally off-base about this or what?). Eventually, I got the answer I needed (I was wron about my assumption), calmed down... and got a reminder that I have a tendency to get upset/go flying off the handle.

And, as much as I hate to admit this, she's right. On the one hand, I try to keep this mask of "I'm calm, and everything's all right". On the other hand, sometimes things slip out. I get too nervous for my own good, uptight where I really need to chillll, upset where I don't really need to feel that way... And I can only imagine what my friends and family would add to that description. As with all that, deep down I'd know they're right.

Part of the reason that I acted that what is that, when I get right down to it, I'm afraid of losing my friends. For many years, I barely had any friends at all, and quite a few times it was only one person--when I did have one (or at least someone who'd interact with me that wasn't a relative), more often than not I took it for granted and didn't even recognise what I had, preferring to stay in my shell and rarely ever wanting to reach out. I took a lack of a meaningful social life for granted! Looking back at it all now, not only does it look weird compared to how I feel today, it simultaneously feels bizarre and makes quite a bit of sense in its' own way. As you've probably gathered by now, my social skills, especially before I moved to Arizona, weren't great. It was only when I moved to this region, to a small village called Pomerene, did things start to change.

In Benson and Pomerene, the class sizes are smaller, especially with the latter. As such, you can't just simply hope to hide in the background--eventually, you have to interact with your peers. Between 5th and 8th grade, cracks were definitely forming on my shell. I actually had a regular group of people that I could more or less wanted to interact with, and even spoke with on occasion. Unfortunately, for my dad (who I wasn't living with at the time), this wasn't quite enough. I could tell he was disappointed with the fact that I was so introverted, unlike him--even if he meant well, he made that clear enough for me to pick up on. And although I can't remember the details, he was hoping to change that at his speed, even if I wasn't ready--I'm guessing you can figure out how well that went.

Once I first started going to Benson High School, if nothing else I wasn't going in alone. Freshman year was, naturally, awkward, but at least I made a few more friends. Sophomore year built off from there, although the child support/quasi-custody battle between my mom and dad was a pain. Junior year was when a few things happened: I had joined the Drama Club, I was participating in Concert Choir, and I was starting more and more like I belonged to that school. Drama Club was good for making new friends and making me bust down more of my walls at a pace I was comfortable with, and Concert Choir not only allowed me to make more friends but express myself (something that I really liked). All that helped to add and cement my social network, making my time at Benson feel better.

With those changes, along with the ones I made from then onward (which I'll discuss in a later blog), eventually I just thought that I didn't want to go back to my old social life, where I was lucky to have (and should've been more thankful to have) the friends/people who actually cared that I had. And, as much as it can annoy me at times, those feelings can come out in ways that are just weird.

Random2

Yes, another Random blog... I couldn't help but do this.

First off, I might as well give my class schedule:
Monday-Wednesday-Friday: POL 206--Public Policy and Administration (10:00 am-10:40)
Monday-Wednesday: ECN 202--Macroeconomics (at Pima College-Downtown, from 12:10 to 1)
Tuesday-Thursday: GEOG 379--Urban Growth & Development (12:30-1:45)
I got Urban Growth added yesterday--so thankful there was room!

Tomorrow, I'm going bowling with Steve (one of my friends from church--I figure I'll talk more about him in some other blogs down the line) at Tucson Bowl. I haven't actually gone bowling ever since I was a little kid--the closest thing since then was on a Wii; I figure that I had to have been 8 or 9 at the time, and it was certainly before I moved to Arizona.

Sometime in February, I might be going with Steve (and I don't even know who else might come along) to volunteer for an organisation called Feed My Starving Children--will do my best to take pictures. In April (I'm pretty sure it's in April), we'll be going to Hermosillo--YAY!!! Yes, I will take pictures.