Spring 2013 Schedule and Other News

Monday/Wednesday/Friday:

• GEOG 302: Introduction to Sustainable Development
• "Introduction to Sustainable Development is a foundational course in understanding the policies and strategies that constitute 'smart' regional development in US metropolitan areas." So, basically, it's a class needed for my minor (Regional Development) that'll discuss ecologically-beneficial concepts with regards to developing metro areas.
• 10:00 a.m.--10:50 a.m.

• POL 413: Human Security. I don't even know what it's about... From 1:00 p.m. to 1:50 p.m.
• These two are going to be in Harvill Building.

 Tuesday/Thursday:

• SGPP 300A: Politics, Policy, and Governance: America and the World. From 3:30 to 4:45, in the Social Sciences Building (which I know pretty well).

I couldn't be bothered to write a Christmas blog post, so here it is... So, I got an electric razor (though, technically I already have one, the other razor isn't that good--really, most of the time, I just want to trim my beard when it gets too thick), 2013 calendar, University of Arizona key fob, The Amazing Spider-Man DVD (the newest one/the one with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone)... If you count my new phone as an early Christmas present, there's that... Really, that's about it. I mean, not that I'm complaining--I only specifically asked for the razor and DVD.

To be honest, even before I started this blog back in 2011, I was really hoping that there would be at least some activity going on here--a comment every once in a while, vaguely frequent readers... you know, stuff like that. While I'm not 100% sure about the latter, pretty much none of my posts have comments on them. If I went a month without them, that'd be one thing. I've had this for a couple of days over a year. Sure, on my part, I update infrequently--this is the only post for December that I've made, for example-- and there really isn't much that happens that could make this blog the most interesting, but the lack of feedback really hurts the incentive to write, especially my Rosethorn story. I'm still going to keep this, but I'm thinking of using my WordPress account that I needed for Struggle for the Presidency to post my story (and the ideas I have for it) and leave this as my personal blog--I'll edit in the link for that later on.

Death and Divorce

Last night, I heard from my mom, who had heard from my Aunt Connie--my father's sister--that my paternal grandmother--Zelpha--would be going to a hospice (if she isn't there already) and my father and stepmother were planning on divorcing. Of course, this isn't good news, but my feelings on this are complicated. I'm going to see if I an write about this and still seem halfway human about it. Note--December 8, 2012: we were misinformed. She won't be going to a hospice--it was just to the hospital, and now she'll be going to a rest centre. I can't be bothered to go through the rest of the paragraphs to edit it all out; a lot of it still applies, even though my grandmother won't die. It was just something I wanted to get out of the way.

I wasn't even born yet--probably not even yet conceived--when my first grandmother--Marie--died. You see, my mom was almost 39 when she had me (via C-Section, and I was 3 pounds, 10 ounces), and my maternal grandmother was almost 75 when she died. I was one years old when my maternal grandfather--Clinton Curtis--died, and was around the same age. So, by the time I was old enough to remember anything up to this point, all I had was one set of grandparents. From what I understand, my Dougan Grandparents would've been great to know had they been alive long enough for me to really know. I might not have always gotten along with them, but I'd nonetheless love them anyhow. Thankfully, I have a rough idea of what they were like in their children--my mom, aunts, and uncles. My paternal grandparents, on the other hand, never seemed that close with me. Not to say that they didn't like me, but... I'll be honest when I say that Grandma Zee's death isn't affecting me as hard as it "should" be, even though she's my last surviving grandparent--my grandfather Earl died when I was 13 after having suffered a stroke/collapse the year before and slowly weakening. I'm not exactly that good about grieving normally as it is--even though "we all grieve differently", I still feel out of place in that regard. On the other hand, I guess, after not even having a proper full set of grandparents throughout my life, it just feels less like I'm losing someone I care about and more like an inevitability I should just accept.

When I really think about this, it makes me wish I had some grandparents I could properly miss. I mean, sure, there was Grandma and Grandpa Dougan, but it's more of a "I wish I could've actually met them before they died" sort of thing than actually missing them. For that matter, I'm not so sure I was really close with anyone aside from my mother and certain members of my family until somewhere around 7th grade. It wasn't so much that I didn't understand love, but friendship seemed an almost half-distant concept until that point. So, when I lost my grandfather, I understood it but it never really struck me like it would a normal person. Then again, I'd probably grieve harder if one of my close friends died--someone I interact with often, someone I'm comfortable talking with... someone I actually know.

Another thing is that, for some reason, my father and stepmother decided to have a divorce after around 12 years of marriage. To be honest, though, I haven't really paid that much attention to their relationship. I sort of just assumed that things were okay, though I haven't been over there at their house since... Thanksgiving 2010? (So, yeah, basically, if they're a Nester or married into that family/in-law, I'm pretty much distant from them.) And I'm sure I've written about this before, but it would appear that nobody I actually know that's part of my step-family is Christian. I'm not even sure who all even believes in a god for that matter.

Election Day and some brief thoughts on it

I'm happy to say that this was my second time voting in a Presidential election. The first time, the candidate I chose was the chairman of a third party--think smaller and more obscure than the Green Party. I wasn't going to vote for McCain, especially after he chose Palin as his running mate, but I wasn't so sure about Obama at the time (that, and I wanted to use that as a loophole). This election, however, I voted for our President. Having received a mail-in early ballot (which I'm sure will be my preference from now on), I never actually voted on Election Day.

Yesterday was actually a good one--the video reports for this series was due that day for Public Policy and Administration, and all I did was help alphabetise them, along with Kate (the second Preceptor), and Kerrie and Amy (the T.A.'s), which took less time than the last time any of us had to sort them. Once I was done with that, I needed to speak with my advisor about what classes I'd need to take, which went well. Having no other classes that day--my Struggle for the Presidency class finished last Thursday--I barely did anything until around 7 p.m. when I went up for Small Group (part of InterVarsity). Great news: we have a newish member--Ariel, and she's a history nerd like me (which is a definite plus). We discussed the Last Supper, prayed over Vi and Molly's dorm (well, the entirety of Coconino, to be exact. And Vi and Molly are the two sisters whose room we have Small Group in.) And, of course, nerding out a bit while I was hearing about the election results (and eventually finding out that Obama won) was the icing on the cake. [Edit--11/21/2012: Although, when I first wrote this, I hadn't seen Ariel before, as I later found out she's no stranger to Vi and Molly. As of today, I'm already glad to know her. Also, she's not just a history nerd, but, really, I'm not complaining.]

(I know that such thoughts have gone through my mind before, but I'm sure it must be odd that quite a few of the people I'm working with are women. I'm the only guy among the Preceptors and T.A.'s, I'm usually the only guy in Small Group--there's a greater gender balance at Large Group, though--and there's only one other man in the Grace Outreach Rock Solid class at church. I mean, it's odd, but I'm okay with that.)

Of course, for every silver lining, there has to be a cloud. I honestly can't remember if I've ever written about this, or if I'm confusing it with a post I decided against publishing, but my father does not like Obama. So you can probably imagine his reactions when he found out who won. I'm not always that great at detecting sarcasm, or when someone's just joking around, and it's especially worse when it's via the internet, but I'm not sure how serious his desire to be part of a secessionist movement is. And as much as I love him, or at the very least feel obligated to do so, that's simply treason in my opinion. Whether he'll get over it or not, I don't know. [Edit--11/21/2012: As clarification... he's an Republican-turned-Tea Partier, and while I'm not a member of any political party I'm at least to the left of him. And, yes, he's still bitter about the election and is probably, at minimum, sympathetic to secessionist movements. My views on such groups being treasonous still remain. I keep feeling as though more developments will come up; how bad, I don't know.]

Retro Advertisements for Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and Skype

The Theory of Revolution

Link

Week of September 16-22

(Edited on 9/20/2012)

When I initially wrote this blog at around 11 p.m., I was having a hard time falling asleep. It was somewhere around midnight that I could even do so, meaning that I had around 5 hours of sleep, probably even less. An hour later, I caught the 6:15 bus, transferred to another one, and arrived somewhere before 7 a.m. I bought some breakfast at Bruegger's Bagels, having only had a cup of coffee at home. Actually getting through security at the County Courthouse wasn't too bad, and I had filled the necessary form within 5 minutes of arrival, as I was to be there by 7:30. Within the hour, my group had left to go to the City Court. We then met with the judge, the plaintiff (a Tucson Police Officer), the defendant (who was convicted of a D.U.I. with Blood Alcohol Content over the legal limit), the Prosecutor, the Defense Attorney, and the Bailiff (there might've been someone else, but I can't remember). Of the potential jurors, we were narrowed down to a final six--the rest were either dismissed or asked to be part of a different jury. As far as names of the Plaintiff and Defendant are concerned... I probably shouldn't release that. Long story short, the defendant was found guilty of being over the legal limit (above 0.13, and our legal limit is 0.08), but we couldn't technically find her guilty of driving while impaired. It was over before 4:40, and my Struggle for the Presidency class would have been over by then.

Wednesday afternoon, I had a Study Session for Exam One in POL 206-- the class I'm a Preceptor for. Yes, I know I've mentioned that Preceptorship fact before... I guess that's a habit of mine. Anyhow, I figured that 10-15 people would show up, we'd just have a question and answer session, clear up a few things, and it'd all be good. There was around 40 students, at maximum, who came--we had to move from the prescheduled 3rd floor room in the Main Library to near what's called Manuel Pacheco Integrated Learning Center, or the ILC, which is basically a huge computer lab/part of the library. Though I completely forgot to go over the actual exam before I did all this, I knew from my experiences from spring semester and what we (Teacher's Assistants and Preceptors) discussed two days ago what to expect--the fact that the multiple-choice part of the exam wasn't that long was also very helpful. Once my mind shifted gears from "Oh, it's just questions and answers." to "They're looking for more details!", I gave them an overview of what'll be on the Exam and what all to expect without giving away too much. Admittedly, during that time and when it was over (even when I was trying to sleep, no less!), I was nervous over the idea that I said more than I should've. (On the other hand, when I was in this class as a student, I didn't even bother to show up to the study session, if there was one. Didn't hurt, though.) I have no idea how the other Preceptor, Kate Worland, fared. I'll try to remember to ask her how it went, and the exam itself for that matter.

As for my current writing project, Rosethorn, I'm hoping to have Chapter 4 done by the end of the week. As much as I hate to say this, it'll probably be shorter than the other chapters so far. This one is where the main characters--Alexander, Erin, James, David, and another character yet-to-be featured--and the rest of the first years are Sorted. I hadn't planned on who all those would be, aside from Katie Bell and Cormac McLaggen (both canon characters), the four I already mentioned, and the "dog pack"--Lucas Thompson and friends. As there's typically 40 in total, that's 30 more I have to figure out and 30 more that'll be there permanently. Yesterday, I started to write down some idea for the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor; in Harry Potter, ever since Voldemort/Tom Riddle was denied the job, there was supposedly a curse placed on it that no teacher would be there holding that job for more than a year. So, in other words, the line of succession went like this (warning: spoilers ahead--read at your own risk):
(Character I need to make up [tentatively named Gérard Macmillan]) --> Quirrel --> Lockhart --> Lupin --> Moody Crouch, Jr. --> Umbridge --> Snape (Slughorn was the Potions Professor in Half-Blood Prince) --> Amycus Carrow. After the Battle of Hogwarts, with the death of Voldemort, the "curse" is broken. I should  also state for the record that, yes, the Rosethorns and the Carrows are related by marriage--adding to what I said in Chapter 3, Flora and Hestia (the Carrow Twins) are third cousins to Alexander and Leo. Given what I have right now for the full story, I can't say too much about it but the Rosethorns are not proud of Alecto and Amycus Carrow (both of whom are Death Eaters); they love the rest of the family, though, and they feel likewise.

Grace Outreach: The GO Center is almost ready to open!

As a bit of background information, my current Home Church (Grace To The Nations) was originally known as Grace Chapel starting from the late '60s (where the current Small Chapel is today) up until the late '90s. Beginning as a church that strove to reach not only the unsaved/those that had fallen from the things of God but the sort of people the average church at that time wouldn't necessarily associate with (hippies and the like), it became one that reached out towards literally dozens of nations and the Hispanic community. For a while, however, we had a dream of not only reaching the International Community outside of our border, but the one in Tucson. Soon, that dream will be realised.

In a partnership with Tucson Refugee Ministry (along with a bunch of of other groups and churches that I can't remember off the top of my head), we will open the GO Center in a couple of weeks!

• Our primary goal is to reach out and help two groups: Refugees and similar internationals, and local students (6th-12th grade, for the moment) that need tutoring.
• For the refugees, we'll be helping then with their English skills, how to find a job, helping them understand our culture, and other essential tasks. Likewise, I for one hope that the other volunteers here will be able to learn something from this group. Also, while we hope that those who don't know Christ will eventually become a Christian due to our influence, this is something they will hopefully choose on their own--we will not force this on them. For some, however, this conversion is precisely why they've had to leave their homes--something we're obligated to take into account.
• While we already have a thriving Youth Ministry, and from what I understand we had a school of some sorts here, we don't/no longer have dedicated tutors for our children. With this, they can have a place to do their homework, find people to help them, and (provided their work is done) can have a place to play and relax.

If anyone in Tucson is reading this and knows anyone who needs such assistance, please don't hesitate to contact us.

Current Situation (Late August--Mid-December)

Today, I started Fall Semester at the University of Arizona. I am currently a Preceptor for POS-206 (Public Policy and Administration), which was one of my previous classes in Spring Semester. My main duty there will be finding videos relevant to the class--my first one will have to do with "Culture". My second class, POL/COMM 410 (Struggle for the Presidency), deals largely with Presidential campaigning from 1960 onwards. We will discuss the various strategies employed and watch movies related to this, among other things. Once a week, we are to write a 700-1200 word essay on each movie or a relevant topic.

As such, I'm sure I'll be pretty busy. I understand that I don't really blog a whole lot, and my Rosethorn story is afflicted by writers' block in regards to my current chapter (please help if you can...), but my schoolwork/preceptorship is my primary focus. Struggle for the Presidency will be over on November 1st (just in time for Election Day!), so I may be able to find time to post at that point. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that this blog will be dead between that time.

Speaking of lack of updates... Last week, I went in for a group interview for Cactus Grill--one of the restaurants at the Student Union. Considering my previous lack of success in the job market save for being a Waver/Mascot for Liberty Tax Service, this was excellent news. Everything looked great as far as my chances there were concerned, but there was a scheduling conflict. They'll let anyone else that's hiring there know that I'm available, but that's the only real good news about it. Still, at least I have my foot in the door. So, if anyone in Tucson knows of anyone that's hiring (preferably on the East Side on a bus route or near the University of Arizona) let me know. Other than that, the only thing that's really going on is that I've been working on a script for a Thanksgiving play at Grace to the Nations (see "Jesus is Coming" for an idea about how long it'll be). It's not finished yet, and if it's anything like that script, it'll be different than how I first planned it, but I will post it once it's completed.

A fairly uneventful summer

As I said in "Summer Classes", I was taking College Algebra and, in about a week, an Economics class. To be honest, aside from that and church, I haven't really done a whole lot. The highlights of my summer thus far have been going to see Men in Black 3 and going Downtown on the 10th of June. Speaking of which, I'm going to see the next Spider-Man movie (The Amazing Spider-Man) this Friday.

Due to that, I haven't been posting as much as I would've wanted to. I mean, that is the point of having a blog, right? I haven't even finished Chapter 2 of Rosethorn (my Harry Potter fanfiction), though I'd like to do that by the end of the week. I figure that this is mostly because I don't really know how to write it, as I'm having a bit of a mental logjam regarding it (not true writers' block, but it's coming to me in fits and starts, and a lot of it is stuff that'll happen later on. Speaking of which, I finally got to watch Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince last weekend--I've only read about it and seen bits and pieces on it on YouTube and such. Due to that, I came up with several new ideas that should be interesting.

I'm glad to be done with that math class--math has never been my best subject, and the fact that I had 5 weeks to go through it instead of approximately 4 months was a bit annoying. And, really, I have a feeling that I'll have to take it again this Fall due to my probable grade in it. On the plus side, if I did that I'll have a better idea about how to do the homework and such. Tomorrow, I start my Economics class, and I'm feeling more optimistic about that.

Mixed Nuts

 

(Copyright: Bennett at Chattanooga Times Free Press. Yes, I know that much is obvious, but I felt obligated to add that)

First off, I know this sort of thing has been covered by thousands of different blogs all across the Internet--it's a Tuesday/Wednesday, I was bored, and I wanted to post something. And Happy 4th of July, everyone, though I'm clueless about what I want to do for this day. :/ Anyhow...

It's just bizarre that some of us Americans still believe that President Obama's... well, not a U.S. citizen. I mean, you'd think that, given the fact that he went through the gauntlet of being nominated for Democratic Party candidate back in 2008 (not to mention everything else that happened previously), someone would've pointed this out--something like, "Hey, guys, I hate to break this to you all, but this Obama guy? No can do--he's from Kenya, not Hawaii." But, no--he was eventually elected. Now, I'm not saying the every Birther is a racist, but I'm confident that, when you peel back the layers behind their argument, there's a definite racially motivated seed. And I'm sure some will yell at me for dragging race into this, but let's be honest: if President Barack Obama were, say, President Barry O'Brien--a man of Irish-Scot descent with ancestors going back to long before the Constitution was even dreamed of (and one of them fought alongside General George Washington himself!)--no one in their right mind would call his citizenship into question. But, because Obama's dad wasn't an American (and dared to be black, no less), this sort of thing happens. And, knowing the gullibility and downright hardheadedness of Americans Humanity, this will not die out even when I'm old enough to be a grandfather (I'd say around age 60). Now, look, as far as I'm concerned, people are free to criticise Obama for faults--they may be blown out of proportion at times, misunderstood, flat-out made up, or honestly legitimate. I may not agree with much of it, but if someone bothers to point out a legitimate one, at least they're making a conscious effort instead of pulling things out of thin air. So, when I still see people, including my dad, bring this sort of thing up (and act like the Birth Certificate/Certificate of Live Birth/whatever-the-hell-it-was is fake), I can't help but laugh--they're basically grasping at straws at that point. Disagree with his policies, say what you want about his views on abortion or whatever, insult his favourite beer if you must, but don't make yourself look like an ignorant moron when you do it, please! It makes the rest of us Humans look bad, and we've got a bad reputation already.

TUSD students who don't qualify to graduate---want to walk anyway

Link

For a good job, you need at least a high school diploma--and preferably much better than that.
       
Some TUSD students will be ending their high school careers without that critical piece of paper but they still want the privilege of walking at graduation with their classmates.

The students we talked to are from Tucson High.  They say they passed their classes, they just couldn't pass the math part of that standardized AIMS test.  They say they're confident they'll meet that requirement later, so they should be able to walk.

(Sigh...) And for those who didn't read the article I linked to, some of these students have "had five chances to take AIMS and pass AIMS". Five chances, people. Look, as I said in my earlier blog, I'm not that great at math, so I'm not yelling at them about that, but even I managed to pass it without having to take it 5 times. Heck, I don't even remember it being that hard--not the easiest (and maybe I'm just saying that because I'm smarter than the average 21-year-old Arizonan), but not the hardest thing in the world. And even if "the tutoring didn't reflect what they saw on the test", there's a chance that it was their fault for using bad tutors--I'd think that, after the second or third time of not passing that portion, they'd go to someone else. While, in my opinion, a graduation ceremony is mostly tradition and catharsis (most of the meaning is one's diploma), it's also a symbol that a student went through high school, got good enough grades to get there, and passed the state test. If you did, you did; if you didn't, you didn't--simple as that. In the real world, rarely is anyone rewarded for work they didn't do--not being able to pass this test, even after five tries, should not let someone get a free pass at graduation.

Summer Classes

From May 29th to July 2nd, I'll be taking College Algebra (MAT 151) and from July 9th until August 12 I'll be taking Macroeconomic Principles (ECN 202). All of these are at Pima Community College--Downtown Campus.

If I've never said this before, let me say this: I am not good at math. For as long as I can remember, at best I've been mediocre. So, with that being said, I'm not very optimistic towards my possible College Algebra grades (if I manage to get a C in it, I'll have to remind myself to thank God as hard as I can). As for Economics, I'm feeling slightly more confident about it--the thing about that is that I'm taking it instead of ECON 200 at the U of A (I've already taken ECN 201 back in summer of 2010, and I got a pretty decent final grade on it), as ECN 201 and 202 satisfies the ECON 200.

I'll see about writing another post sometime this month. To be honest, there really hasn't been a whole lot going on this month--Steve, a friend of mine, graduated from Pima College (he got his Certificate in HVAC--Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning) and, of course, spring semester is over. Rosethorn, the story I've been working on... I'll be honest and say that I'm looking for some motivation to do it/an audience to read it. I have all these random ideas about it that are either written down or floating in my mind, I know I've only posted one chapter (and then there's the link for the ideas that I've written down in Rosethorn Ideas and Notes), and I really want this to be more than an idea I had that went nowhere. I might take a break from it, focus on working on a script or two, and write about the things I originally planned for this blog to be about. Besides, I have no deadlines when it comes to this.

An article by Gustavo Arellano

There is nothing remotely Mexican about Potato Olés—not even the quasi-Spanish name, which has a distinctly Castilian accent. The burrito was more insulting to me and my heritage than casting Charlton Heston as the swarthy Mexican hero in Touch of Evil. But it was intriguing enough to take back to my hotel room for a taste. There, as I experienced all of the concoction’s gooey, filling glory while chilly rain fell outside, it struck me: Mexican food has become a better culinary metaphor for America than the melting pot.

Taco USA: How Mexican food become more American than apple pie

Trayvon Martin Gun Range Target

Link

"My main motivation was to make money off the controversy," said the seller of a gun range target designed to resemble murdered Florida teen Trayvon Martin in an email to Local 6 reporter Mike DeForest.

Seriously, Humanity, have we no shame? First George Zimmerman, the coward that he is, attacks an unarmed teen for no good reason, nearly gets away with murder, stirs up a beehive of racial controversy... And now this? This seller (who remains anonymous, likely for his own protection) didn't even try to mask it:



He could've just left it without the Skittles and can of iced tea, and anyone who objected would've been claimed to be blowing things out of proportion. I mean, just doing that surely wouldn't have been controversial to most people. He could've just made a target that didn't add unneeded fuel to the fire. But no: instead of making a positive contribution to all this, he goes ahead and makes something just to "make money off the controversy". According to the second link, "Before DeForest identified himself as a reporter, the seller claimed that targets were still available for purchase. After being informed Local 6 was investigating his online business, the seller claimed the targets would no longer be sold." Not that I'm the bravest person on the internet--I'll admit to being afraid to discuss certain subjects, and sometimes withdrawing from my statements when the going gets tough--but I'd have to agree with the idea that what he, the person selling these targets, did was cowardly.

Cover of Civilization IV Theme

A semester almost finished, and a breakthrough at my church

(Apologies if this blog comes off as too vague--it's about as detailed as I can get right now. I'll try to fix it later. Also, I'll try to pick up the pace with regards to posting new stuff.)

I really do wonder where the time went. It feels that, not too long ago, I had just taken my first class at the U of A. I mean, of course, it's not like I'm going to graduate this year--I still have a few more semesters to go until I'm done. But, really, this didn't feel that slow.

I'd have to say that both my classes were interesting. In Public Policy and Administration, which deals with how government runs and functions, it was cool to be able to learn more about all that. Urban Growth and Development--a prerequisite for my Regional Development minor--basically talks about how cities grow and develop, challenges facing it, and (sort of) their future. A pretty fun class, and I'm feeling more confident about being a Regional Development minor because of it.

Now, about that breakthrough at church. Every Wednesday night for about 8 weeks (upcoming Wednesday will be Week 7), I've had this class called "Walking in the Power of the Holy Spirit",  which is part of what our church calls Rock Solid/Roca Solida (this book, The Walk of the Spirit--The Walk of Power, is what we've been using). Now, the book is basically about praying in tongues, why it's not only a good thing but vital, and the benefits of doing it. If I've never said this before, I promise you that I'm not some religious nutcase--I was just interested in praying in tongues, as I wasn't very familiar with it and wanted to know more. If I have said that before, then I guess it bears repeating. Anyhow, last Wednesday, I got it. Beforehand, I felt I just simply couldn't, or it was barely coming out (put too much thought into it or something). That night, however, I just thought, "Let it flow--don't think too much on it, just do it." And it worked--well, at least as far as I'm concerned.

Dream Journal--April 5-12

April 5:
I actually had two dreams, but of those the second manages to stick out in my mind the most. I was in this very bright area, almost seemed like pure light, when to the right of me at my feet was this person--I keep thinking it was a woman, but I can't say for sure. She seemed to be radiating darkness, and my first instincts were to pray over her. I call them instincts because I don't remember consciously doing so--it seemed to come naturally. As I began to pray, and I note that I'm not even sure what language I'm doing this in, out of the corner of my "eye", I sensed something (first sensed, then viewed). As I look, the person who was possessed tried to attack me. Almost instantly, the dream goes away, and I'm left with me trying to make sense of it all.

April 12:
At this point, as I write this, a lot of the details about it are becoming fuzzier. I remember the first 2/3 as being pretty exciting, but for the life of me I can't even describe it at all. So, I'll have to work with what I have:

I'm on the bus--my usual mode of transportation--, or a streetcar, and we're in an area that's similar to Downtown Tucson/area around the University, but greener and more open. This was actually a transition moment from my previous dream bit to this, but still fun. Anyhow, eventually, there's this guy who... I guess in the dream, I'm thinking he's attacking a woman, but I can't really remember anymore. So, I chase him down and get him down into this building (reminds me of a blend between storage room, metal shop, and a random building downtown). I end up shoving his head twice into a wall I found when I turned right from going in the room. I'm not sure what happened, but he ends up collapsing. Some of my "friends" (people I seem to know in the dream) show up... And I can't really remember the end.

About the April 5 dream: I've certainly had weird dreams before--my mind seems to specialise in those, to my amusement. I just don't remember ever having any "God-dreams". The class I'm taking at church, and the book our class is reading, deals with the Holy Spirit and praying in tongues--no, we're not weirdos, just usually spirit-filled oddballs to some extent--so that might've had something to do with it. I'll be happy to have a dream like that again.

About the April 12 dream: I don't know if I've already said this, but I'm taking a class called Urban Growth and Development. Part of it involves public transportation--buses and streetcars--and how cities are designed--one of the more popular ideas are that they should be more greener and open, more of connected neighbourhoods than broken-apart housing areas with not much sense of belonging, and revitalised downtowns. Our downtown, as of late, is going through that improvement. I'm sure that those factors played into this.

Fake trailer for a non-existent Harry Potter-based TV show: The Aurors.

Facebook Timeline and something I'm working on

For those reading this--I'm assuming that, thus far, most if not all of my readers are my Facebook friends--you're probably aware of the new(ish) Facebook timeline. I was actually hoping to hold out on it until I made my final decision as to whether to accept it or not, but Facebook made the choice for me. To be honest, it felt a little odd--having a visual record of all of my posts and other stuff that I've made since I got on there. I've been looking over it, reminiscing somewhat, and pruning the more spammy bits off of it. And I think I can live with this.

• It was odd reading the status updates that really had no context behind them. I mean, normally, I can look on there, find a random update, and understand why I did that. And then I find one that makes me go, "...huh?"
• I'll have to go through more of these updates and such, but I enjoyed finding those past updates that either meant a lot to me back then for different reasons or became something greater. Even if I know it means next to nothing to anyone else that doesn't get it.

For a few months, I've been not-completely-seriously working on a story based on the Harry Potter series. Right now, I'm only giving out the link (here) to the "Brainstorming/Ideas/Rough Draft" Document for it. All of that will hopefully become the Final Draft, which I'm hoping to post on here--more than likely, chapter by chapter.

The story centres on the character Alexander Rosethorn, a reasonably good (with all things considered) Slytherin, and his journey through Hogwarts and life, along with the rest of his friends. He's a contemporary of Harry and his friends, so out of wanting to match things up with the books I was planning on making each part correspond with each book. Which I'm sure I'll end up undoing, but it's what I've decided on doing right now. So, I see Parts 1 and 2 being the ones where the characters are established and fleshed out, though I'm not sure yet what to do about Parts 3 and 4. Part 5 is when things get interesting.

I'm also posting this because I'd really appreciate it if you read it, commented, and maybe throw out some (hopefully positive) suggestions about it--I'm basically looking for a beta reader (or readers) to go over it. I'll be honest and admit that while I'm decent enough with coming up with ideas, the whole getting-it-off-the-ground bit is a completely different matter. When I said that I wasn't completely seriously working on it, I'm either not sure what to write or just can't be bothered to do so--having someone to prod me into developing more of it will be very helpful. That, along with the fact that I haven't read the books in quite a while (I basically stopped at Goblet of Fire), haven't seen any of the movies after GoF, and I'm just trying to learn what I can off of the internet on occasion. There's a couple of other things that are nagging me about this, but it's not really worth going into.

(For Yani/someone whose English isn't perfect/someone who's just confused: if anything I've written doesn't make any sense, just ask. I was writing this partly under the assumption that my readers knew what I was talking about, but I have to remind myself of these things.)

"Jesus is Coming"--a short play

Jesus is Coming

Written by Larry Nester and Lee Goodrum

CAST OF CHARACTERS

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN

ASSISTANT

SINGERS

TEEN #1--DAVID, if male, ELIZABETH, if female

TEEN #2--ISAAC, if male, REBEKAH, if female

OLD LADY

CROWD

JESUS

JESUS' ENTOURAGE--DISCIPLES, FOLLOWERS, MUSICIANS, and DANCERS

PROPS

HORNS/SHOFARS* (If possible)

FLUTES

TAMBOURINES

LUTES (If possible)

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Everyone, everyone! Jesus will be here shortly. I repeat, the Messiah--our rightful King, our Liberator--will be here in Jerusalem. (Beat) Now, where are those...

ASSISTANT: Musicians... and singers have already left--yes, they know where to go.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Right, aren't we supposed to be having some people dancing, praising, bowing down... Paving the way with...

ASSISTANT: Palm leaves?

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Right, right.

TEEN #2: (Runs up to COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN with TEEN #1) That's us!

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Ah, yes, you two are finally here! And that's everyone, right?

ASSISTANT: (Reading off mental checklist) Yes, that's it--we're good to go!

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: And we have... (Checks left wrist--NO WATCH!) Just a few minutes until Jesus arrives? (To TEENS) Well, what are you waiting for?

TEEN #1: Yes, sir! (Runs off with TEEN #2)

ASSISTANT: (Ad-libbed discussion with COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN--goes on for less than a minute)

OLD LADY: Oh, I can't wait to see Jesus, the Messiah and King! (She stumbles and falls)

TEEN #2: (to TEEN #1) Hey, aren't we supposed to go that way?

TEEN #1: Oh, right! (Beat) Can you believe we'll get to see Jesus?

TEEN #2: (Excited) That has got to be the hundredth time you've asked, and I still can't contain my excitement! I told you about my friend and how she saw Him turn all that water in those pots into wine, right?

TEEN #1: Yeah, and He raised... what's-his-name? Lazarus? From the dead!


TEEN #2: And wasn't your cousin working with Peter—you know, one of Jesus' Disciples?--when he ended up with all that fish? We ate on that for days!

TEEN #1: Yeah, Jesus took some kids lunch—some fish and a bit of bread, I think—and, like, multiplied it to feed a whole crowd.

TEEN #2: No way!

TEEN #1: Way

(In the middle of the path lies an OLD LADY. She is dressed in ragged clothing covering much of her body)

TEEN #2: Whoa, check it out!

OLD LADY: (Moans)

TEEN #1: I think she's hurt.

TEEN #2: Yeah,you're right. She looks bad.

TEEN #1: What are we going to do? We can't stay here—Jesus will be coming soon.

TEEN #2: (Becomes incredulous) Excuse me?

TEEN #1: (Is confused) You were just telling me how excited you were to see Jesus, weren't you?

TEEN #2: Yeah, but that was before this. (Points to OLD LADY)

TEEN #1: Look, we don't have time for this. How about we just find someone else to help her.

TEEN #2: Find someone else? In this crowd? On this day? (Folds arms and rolls eyes) By the time we find someone to help her, she'll be lucky to be alive!

OLD LADY: (Moans)

TEEN #1: We'll send someone. We've got a job to do!

TEEN #2: And what are you going to tell her family when they find her dead? DEAD, (TEEN #1)! “Oh, I'm sorry guys. We totally found her alive, but I was too stupid to help her to somewhere safe...”

OLD LADY: (Moans louder)

TEEN #1: Okay already, but let's hurry. (to OLD LADY) We're going to get you to some help.

TEEN #2: Maybe if we're lucky, we can catch a glimpse of Jesus.

TEEN #1: A glimpse of the Messiah? I could live with that. Now, help me take her to my Aunt Esther's house.

TEEN #2: Will she be home today?

TEEN #1: We don't have a choice. (As they pick her up) Careful, CAREFUL! There!

(TEEN #1 and TEEN #2 carefully walk with OLD LADY to AUNT ESTHER's house—a small one-bedroom mud-and-brick house. Once they approach, TEEN #1 knocks on the door)

AUNT ESTHER: Whoa! What is this?

TEEN #1 She's hurt bad.

AUNT ESTHER: (Opens door) Aren't you kids supposed to be out there greeting...?

TEEN #2: We were, but you see...

AUNT ESTHER: What happened to her?

TEEN #1: We don't know. Can you help her?

AUNT ESTHER: Come in, come in—, just try to get her on the bed over there. I'll see what I can do to help. SAPHIRA (her daughter), bring me some moist towels and some water.

SAPHIRA: Yes Ma'am (as she goes to get towels)

(Teens gently place the old lady on bed)

AUNT ESTHER: All this fuss about this Jesus. After all I here He's just a carpenter from Nazareth. That hardly qualifies anyone to be King.

TEEN #1: Have you not heard of His Miracles?

AUNT ESTHER: He's still just a man.

OLD LADY: Oh, no. He's more than that. He's the Messiah that was prophesied by Isaiah (then passes out).

AUNT ESTHER: Hurry with that water and towels!

(At the sound of a horn, JESUS and ENTOURAGE begin the procession. The crowd begins praising and waiving  palm leaves. The musicians begin playing and singers begin singing. The various dancers begin dancing as the procession moves down the aisle toward the stage. Jesus is smiling and blessing the crowd and the disciples are waving and praising. When they reach the stage...)

JESUS: (Dismounts noble steed, and holds up his hands) Wait!

(Beat. Then a DISCIPLE comes before JESUS. Although confused by His act, he also knows that He is surely doing this for a reason.)

DISCIPLE: What is it, my Lord?

JESUS: There is someone in need—here in the house! (Points to AUNT ESTHER's house) I must go there.

(JESUS knocks)

AUNT ESTHER: Who could that be now? (She opens the door to find JESUS) Oh my... (A beat passes as she is rendered speechless—JESUS at the door.)

JESUS: I came because I knew there was someone in need of my healing.

AUNT ESTHER: I, uh... Yes, yes! This way!

(JESUS enters in. TEEN #1 and TEEN #2 stand dumbstruck, bowing and clutching each other's hand.  JESUS arrives to the OLD LADY.)

JESUS: Woman, rise up, you are healed.

OLD LADY: Oh, my God... I'm... I'M HEALED! (Instantaneously, she begins to dance and jump)

JESUS: (To teens) And thanks to you two for getting  her here. Join me and my Disciples.

JESUS (To AUNT ESTHER) And bless you too my daughter for helping her. Come let's join the celebration.

TEEN #1 and TEEN #2: (Run up and hug JESUS. He leads them outside to the procession and the celebrations continue, lead by acrobats doing flips etc..)

OLD LADY: He healed me! Jesus healed me! (as she twirls in jubilation)

EVERYONE: Hosana to the King!

__________________________________

Yes, this is the script I wrote for the short play I mentioned in my previous blog. It was completed after a few weeks--Lee, the head of Grace To The Nations' Drama Department, received the basic idea (a short play for Palm Sunday) from one of the pastors, relayed the idea to me after I told him I had a talent in writing (well, at least I could probably do this), bounced ever-developing versions back and forth, and finally completed it. I basically decided to post this as a "Hey, everyone, I made this..." sort of thing. If you ever want to use this for your church production, you'll need to contact me or Lee Goodrum so we can make the final decision--it's nothing personal, and it's not some ego thing, but it is our work and I figure he'd like to have some sort of control over distribution. I mean, sure it's free, but it's also our intellectual property. 
Note: Pretty much none of us are more than amateurs at best--quite a few of us have next to no experience with acting or just recently got into this--and the Grace Drama Department (or whatever the proper name for it is) is sort of new and on a small budget. This play is also intended to be bilingual (the Spanish service hadn't had much experience with these sorts of things). We do this to give glory to God and because we can. 

So, February 19-25 was sort of eventful...

First off, yes, I haven't posted anything since I finished my fast--I'll also go ahead and post the (hopefully!) completed version of the skit in another post--I'll go over that in here later. Part of it is because of school--I'm focusing my time on that--and, frankly, I don't really think that there was much going on in my life worth writing about. This week, though, there is.

Wednesday:
The week before, if I remember correctly, I had a test for Public Policy and Administration. Long story short, while Part 1 (Multiple Choice) got a good grade I had to read out Part 2 (written version) due to readability issues.

That evening, as usual, I had Fusion--I'm sure I've gone over what that is before, but I'll answer anyone who isn't clear on it. We didn't have time to break off into discussion groups, so we got into groups of three for prayer. One of the things that was on my heart (though it's the only thing that I can think of from that moment) had to do with my dad and "immediate" stepfamily. For context, they--my dad, stepmother (April), stepbrother (Luke Grove), and stepnephew (Leavi Mitchell) (son of my youngest stepsister--Jessica)--all live near Flagstaff with my grandmother (who moved in a couple of years ago). I'm not exactly close with them for different reasons, and I prefer keeping this blog a secret from them, but they're still family. Their financial situation has never been the best, and it looks like my dad's previous source of income as owner of his small business/website Lobogunz (buying and selling guns and ammunition) hit a snag--the last time I heard about this, he was going to North Dakota to work on oil wells there.

Another thing is that, except for my grandmother (who I'm sure hasn't been able to go to church in a while), none of them believe in God. From what I understand, my dad used to be a Christian, was a nominal believer when I was younger, and stopped believing around the time I was 8 or so--my best guess. I have no idea whether or not April knew Christ, and I never bothered to ask her about it, but she's not a believer now. (I might also add that, after thinking about this, being around them may have planted a couple of destructive seeds that led to my previous lack of belief in God, among other things) As such, neither Luke nor Leavi are believers and that was part of my fears: that they never will, and their eventual destination will be separate from the Lord. This wasn't the first time I felt this, but it never really struck me at any magnitude until either August or September 2010. This was before I came to accept Christ back into my life, but there was this very same thing tugging at my heart--that they'd be going to Hell. I've been thinking/praying about it off and on since that night, but I was also given reassurance that their fate isn't carved in stone. Does that mean they'll be saved eventually (or at leasst one of them)? I don't know. Do I want them to be? Absolutely--I'd want them to know God as the Benevolent Heavenly Father that I know Him as. And I also know that, if I'm going to be asking for this to come, I have to invest something for this to happen--time, effort, love, or whatever I need to. I'll also need to fight my doubts and insecurities--I can't simply say that I can't do this, that I don't have the power to help change their destinies. If nothing else, I might be able to influence Luke and Leavi.

Thursday:
That evening, we had a meeting for Grace Drama--as I said before, the script is either completed or effectively done--where we went over some things about it: we'll be starting to rehearse almost every Saturday until Palm Sunday (I'll be one of Jesus' Disciples), and we've got quite a few cast members for both the English and Spanish services (we finally have the people we need to play all but the crowd/rest of the Disciples). I am so EXCITED!!!

Immediately afterwards, there was a memorial for Jonathan Centeno. I initially knew him only as being Wendy Reyes' boyfriend/probable future husband (if I remember right)--for context, Wendy is one of my friends at Grace. So, I figured he had to have been a decent guy. That Sunday, though, they were in a car accident. She survived, albeit shocked; he didn't make it. Out of respect, I decided to attend. Now, they were having the memorial in the Large Chapel, which can seat around 1,000 people. When I got there, almost all the seats were full. As I later found out, Jonathan was a man of God, well-known and cared about by not only hundreds of people but a handful of pastors (including a couple of those that work for Grace). It didn't take too long for me to think, "Wow, I really wish I knew this guy!"

Friday/Saturday:
Steve and I had been planning to go to The Rock and Worship Roadshow since a few weeks ago. It's basically this touring concert featuring all those bands on the home page--note: Bart Millard is the lead singer of MercyMe.

• I got up at around 5:15 a.m. so I could be awake enough to meet Steve by 6:15 or so.
• 6:30-ish, I wanted to take a picture from inside his truck looking outside, as sunrise hadn't exactly come yet. I soon found out the batteries in my camera were dead, so I couldn't take any pictures.
• We ate at Cracker Barrel for breakfast, got gas, and immediately got back on the road. Somewhere between 6:15 and this point, out of lack of much of anything better to do I started writing notes on my copy of the script. I had also noticed that gas prices were higher than usual--figures that they'll try to get a head start before Spring Break.
• We were also planning on going to the Arizona Science Center. I guess we both assumed that it would be something like the Science Museum in Minnesota--I highly recommend it if you're in the Twin Cities for any appreciable length of time. Alas, while it wasn't totally boring, it was mostly designed for younger children--a field trip from some local school was there, and they were definitely more in their element there than were were.
• Soon after, we ate at the Tilted Kilt--a nearby restaurant--for lunch and at the Hard Rock Cafe a little later. Somewhere during that time, we found the motel and got our room.
• It was around 4:30 when we got in line--not too bad, all things considered, and we (along with pretty much everyone else in the line) actually ended up moving ahead closer to the doors. I couldn't really see it, as I couldn't really be bothered to leave my spot, but it seemed that the group of people was spreading quite a distance away (there was around 10,000 people that attended).
• About two hours later, we finally got in. The show itself started at 7 and lasted until 11. Fun was had.
• The next morning, we left to get some late breakfast/early lunch at El Pollo Loco, went to Bass Pro Shops (Steve was looking for... something, I dunno, and I was just looking around), and then went over to Ikea. I had never gone there before, but I had heard about it off and on. Steve got a few things while I got a chocolate and hazelnut candy bar, lingonberry preserves, and a case of 10 batteries--as I later found out, the batteries didn't work for my camera. We ate at Honey Bear's Barbecue due to a previous recommendation by one of Steve's friends--supposedly, it was just as good, if not better, than Famous Sam's. While the food was okay, his friend was mistaken about the quality.
• Got home around 5:30.

I'm not sure what my next post will be on--I'm thinking of posting a story idea I've been developing, and if that goes anywhere I'll work on Chapter 1 of it.

Daniel Fast and More

I've been going through what's called a "Daniel Fast" since the 17th of this month--something my church came up with, I guess. I honestly have only a vague idea about what it's all about, and that part of the idea is to grow closer to God, but here's the essential parts (quoting from memory): no rich foods or sauces, no desserts, no meat, and no soda. At first, I wasn't sure what all the requirements were, so I opted for no soda and only reduced fat foods (nothing over 5 grams). Once I found out, I made the required changes. To be honest, this has to be the longest time I've gone without meat, and I'm actually okay with it--it won't be too permanent, though. As far as drawing closer to Him, it's not exactly hurting. I'm starting to dwell inwardly on a few things more, and oddly enough I found a Fellowship Meeting area on campus--the link might not work, or might redirect to someplace else. Another thing: our church has a rudimentary drama program and I'm planning on getting involved in it--don't get your hopes up; we're mostly talking more along the lines of skits than Shakespeare, though there's still hope for it. Plan on me advertising for it on here! Lastly, I'll be going to a couple of Christian concerts around February--the first one is at Calvary Chapel East Campus, and the other one... somewhere in Phoenix. I'll also be working with Feed My Starving Children with my friend Steve sometime soon, and we're going to be in Hermosillo for the last 3 or so days of Spring Break--expect plenty of pictures! Forgot to pay the sponsor for the Calvary Newsboys concert, so I couldn't go to that; FMSC is off the schedule; and unless anyone else I know is going I won't be in Hermosillo as Steve will be busy during that time with HVAC at Pima and GTTN. (Updated February 14, 2012)
YouTube video:

First Few Days at University, and a few other things

I'm not sure who or what I should properly credit for this--my time at Pima College, my Transfer Strategies class, both, or something else entirely--, but I'll say the following: I wasn't too overwhelmed by my first day. The only thing that I can say was some trouble finding where my classes were, and even then that's not much of a complaint. Going from ~20 people in a classroom to ~80 in one and at least a couple hundred, while odd, isn't so bad for the moment. If anything... I haven't really met anyone there I recognise from either Pima or Benson; for the sake of my sanity, I'll want to make friends here as soon as possible. While my friends at Grace To The Nations have been good, I'd rather not rely on them (or the handful of friends I chat with online) for socialisation. If nothing else, I can try to get to know one of the Teachers' Assistants--that's always useful, I suppose.

I'm going through what's called a "Daniel Fast"--21 days long--which officially started today. I chose to take a fast from soda and most fatty foods (anything higher than 5 grams of fat), along with trying to get closer to God. Aside from being hungrier than usual (I need to find better sources of food), it's going pretty good so far. Okay, so not only does it include soda, but rich foods and sauces, meat (and dairy products?), and desserts. Everything else that I said applies, and I'll have to cut down on my internet time.

Not sure if I already wrote this or not, but back in mid-December I sent out a package to my friend (Yanina) and her 8-year-old daughter (Lara) in Buenos Aires for Christmas--Lara got some art supplies (stuff like glitter pens, coloured pencils, paper) and cards for both of them. They got them today, and both were very happy. Therefore, I'm happy that they're happy and that it finally got there. If I haven't made this note on here, I'll have to remember to use FedEx or a better alternative for stuff like this--Postal Service didn't seem to work.

Friendship Part 2

I was originally going to write this about the friends that I've made since graduating from High School (well, the ones that stand out), but after posting a link to Part 1 on my Facebook, a friend, Brittany Watson, requested the following:
"I was looking forward to more detail about the social connections in high school. I'll stay tuned".
With that in mind, I'll try my best, though I'm guessing you meant how they related to me--if you meant in general, then I might not have that much to write. As you know, it's been less than 4 years since I've graduated, and quite a few of those details are pretty fuzzy, even if you account that I wasn't exactly that aware of what my friends' social lives were like. And if anyone's reading this, thinking, "Who are all these people?", sorry--I'm somewhat writing this for the sort of people who know at least some of these people already.

Freshman Year:
As I said before in Part 1, I came in mostly knowing the friends I had from Pomerene, although there were a couple of people I knew from 4th grade in Benson (basically, Mitchael Richards and Megan Ellsworth). Through the various classes I took (English, Math, Biology, History, Journalism, and probably one other), I started making quite a few of my core friends from High School during this time; I may have still kept to myself more often than not, but at least I could say that my social circle was widening. I'm not sure how relevant this is, but during this time I was on the Basketball team and the Golf team (during fall and spring, respectively).

Sophomore Year:
I can't really remember there being any additions made to my number of friends (aside from what I'll say below--I'm just typing this down from memory), so I'm pretty sure this was a point where I was developing to what I had. To be honest, I can't remember much about this time, although... If it wasn't Freshman Year, this was the year that the Melvin Klan (a group of friends who liked to joke around, play pranks, and such) formed--I wasn't a member, but I got to know pretty much all of them. At the time, I wasn't really used to that sort of thing; in retrospect, however, they weren't too bad--I just prefer to keep my distance from them these days.

Junior Year:
This is when things get interesting. In Part 1, I mentioned how I ended up joining the Drama Club and was in Concert Choir. I already knew Nathan Walls and Alex Heckman since Sophomore Year (those two were in both Drama Club and Choir; I'm sure I knew a couple others that were in both, but I can't remember), although the reasons for joining Drama Club was because my mom wanted me to be in an extra-curricular activity--I didn't do that in Sophomore year. What resulted from this were a number of changes. For one, I made quite a few friends in both Drama and Choir--in the former, not only did I practice with my troupe, but actually got to work together doing something constructive and helped bond with some of my peers. All that, plus acting sort of makes you break out of your shell--you're sort of expected to express yourself in these sorts of conditions. Another thing was having a Spanish class. Now, for those who have never been in a class like this, you're expected to talk--with your neighbour, to the teacher, and to the class--in a language you're not completely familiar with; in my case, I barely knew anything about the language beforehand, so there was that added factor.

Senior Year:
In some ways, this was like my Sophomore year--not so many friends added aside from some of the exchange students, so it was more development. The things I learned from the previous year with regards to not being so withdrawn had changed me. I can remember being in Algebra class that year, and hearing Mr. O'Callaghan's comment towards me--that I had gone from someone who mostly kept to myself and never really talking with anyone around me to someone who felt more comfortable chatting and helping out my friends with their math problems. On the down side... (Stay on topic! Stay on topic!) Okay, on the down side, my emotional maturity wasn't the best. I don't care what you call it--hormonal flux, needing to get my head out of my backside, or whatever. In some cases, I was honestly not as good of a friend as I should have been. I don't want to get into detail about some of that, but let's just say that those were parts of my life that I do not miss.

Friendship (Part 1)

Normally, I would be making this post about my first class at the U of A, and I'll do so in my next one. But, instead, I felt I ought to start talking about something that, if my friends don't know this already, you all should know. It's basically about friendship and how it affects me. And part of me doesn't want me to do this, as though it makes me look like I'm needing a pity party (trust me when I say this: I've gotten over the stuff in the following paragraph! I just wanted to get this out of my system). If I post this, then I've either reworded this enough so I don't think it'll come off that way or I don't even care. And, yes, I might be rambling a bit here.

I've thought about writing about this before I started this blog, but I imagined that it would be under different circumstances. And then I went and got all paranoid after a friend (who will remain nameless) said she would be going through what I would call Spring Cleaning of her friend list. We hadn't spoke in a while, and for reasons that now sound very stupid I thought I'd be lucky if she counted me as an acquaintance. Basically, I got (a little) paranoid about it and was looking for some closure (am I totally off-base about this or what?). Eventually, I got the answer I needed (I was wron about my assumption), calmed down... and got a reminder that I have a tendency to get upset/go flying off the handle.

And, as much as I hate to admit this, she's right. On the one hand, I try to keep this mask of "I'm calm, and everything's all right". On the other hand, sometimes things slip out. I get too nervous for my own good, uptight where I really need to chillll, upset where I don't really need to feel that way... And I can only imagine what my friends and family would add to that description. As with all that, deep down I'd know they're right.

Part of the reason that I acted that what is that, when I get right down to it, I'm afraid of losing my friends. For many years, I barely had any friends at all, and quite a few times it was only one person--when I did have one (or at least someone who'd interact with me that wasn't a relative), more often than not I took it for granted and didn't even recognise what I had, preferring to stay in my shell and rarely ever wanting to reach out. I took a lack of a meaningful social life for granted! Looking back at it all now, not only does it look weird compared to how I feel today, it simultaneously feels bizarre and makes quite a bit of sense in its' own way. As you've probably gathered by now, my social skills, especially before I moved to Arizona, weren't great. It was only when I moved to this region, to a small village called Pomerene, did things start to change.

In Benson and Pomerene, the class sizes are smaller, especially with the latter. As such, you can't just simply hope to hide in the background--eventually, you have to interact with your peers. Between 5th and 8th grade, cracks were definitely forming on my shell. I actually had a regular group of people that I could more or less wanted to interact with, and even spoke with on occasion. Unfortunately, for my dad (who I wasn't living with at the time), this wasn't quite enough. I could tell he was disappointed with the fact that I was so introverted, unlike him--even if he meant well, he made that clear enough for me to pick up on. And although I can't remember the details, he was hoping to change that at his speed, even if I wasn't ready--I'm guessing you can figure out how well that went.

Once I first started going to Benson High School, if nothing else I wasn't going in alone. Freshman year was, naturally, awkward, but at least I made a few more friends. Sophomore year built off from there, although the child support/quasi-custody battle between my mom and dad was a pain. Junior year was when a few things happened: I had joined the Drama Club, I was participating in Concert Choir, and I was starting more and more like I belonged to that school. Drama Club was good for making new friends and making me bust down more of my walls at a pace I was comfortable with, and Concert Choir not only allowed me to make more friends but express myself (something that I really liked). All that helped to add and cement my social network, making my time at Benson feel better.

With those changes, along with the ones I made from then onward (which I'll discuss in a later blog), eventually I just thought that I didn't want to go back to my old social life, where I was lucky to have (and should've been more thankful to have) the friends/people who actually cared that I had. And, as much as it can annoy me at times, those feelings can come out in ways that are just weird.

Random2

Yes, another Random blog... I couldn't help but do this.

First off, I might as well give my class schedule:
Monday-Wednesday-Friday: POL 206--Public Policy and Administration (10:00 am-10:40)
Monday-Wednesday: ECN 202--Macroeconomics (at Pima College-Downtown, from 12:10 to 1)
Tuesday-Thursday: GEOG 379--Urban Growth & Development (12:30-1:45)
I got Urban Growth added yesterday--so thankful there was room!

Tomorrow, I'm going bowling with Steve (one of my friends from church--I figure I'll talk more about him in some other blogs down the line) at Tucson Bowl. I haven't actually gone bowling ever since I was a little kid--the closest thing since then was on a Wii; I figure that I had to have been 8 or 9 at the time, and it was certainly before I moved to Arizona.

Sometime in February, I might be going with Steve (and I don't even know who else might come along) to volunteer for an organisation called Feed My Starving Children--will do my best to take pictures. In April (I'm pretty sure it's in April), we'll be going to Hermosillo--YAY!!! Yes, I will take pictures.