So, February 19-25 was sort of eventful...

First off, yes, I haven't posted anything since I finished my fast--I'll also go ahead and post the (hopefully!) completed version of the skit in another post--I'll go over that in here later. Part of it is because of school--I'm focusing my time on that--and, frankly, I don't really think that there was much going on in my life worth writing about. This week, though, there is.

Wednesday:
The week before, if I remember correctly, I had a test for Public Policy and Administration. Long story short, while Part 1 (Multiple Choice) got a good grade I had to read out Part 2 (written version) due to readability issues.

That evening, as usual, I had Fusion--I'm sure I've gone over what that is before, but I'll answer anyone who isn't clear on it. We didn't have time to break off into discussion groups, so we got into groups of three for prayer. One of the things that was on my heart (though it's the only thing that I can think of from that moment) had to do with my dad and "immediate" stepfamily. For context, they--my dad, stepmother (April), stepbrother (Luke Grove), and stepnephew (Leavi Mitchell) (son of my youngest stepsister--Jessica)--all live near Flagstaff with my grandmother (who moved in a couple of years ago). I'm not exactly close with them for different reasons, and I prefer keeping this blog a secret from them, but they're still family. Their financial situation has never been the best, and it looks like my dad's previous source of income as owner of his small business/website Lobogunz (buying and selling guns and ammunition) hit a snag--the last time I heard about this, he was going to North Dakota to work on oil wells there.

Another thing is that, except for my grandmother (who I'm sure hasn't been able to go to church in a while), none of them believe in God. From what I understand, my dad used to be a Christian, was a nominal believer when I was younger, and stopped believing around the time I was 8 or so--my best guess. I have no idea whether or not April knew Christ, and I never bothered to ask her about it, but she's not a believer now. (I might also add that, after thinking about this, being around them may have planted a couple of destructive seeds that led to my previous lack of belief in God, among other things) As such, neither Luke nor Leavi are believers and that was part of my fears: that they never will, and their eventual destination will be separate from the Lord. This wasn't the first time I felt this, but it never really struck me at any magnitude until either August or September 2010. This was before I came to accept Christ back into my life, but there was this very same thing tugging at my heart--that they'd be going to Hell. I've been thinking/praying about it off and on since that night, but I was also given reassurance that their fate isn't carved in stone. Does that mean they'll be saved eventually (or at leasst one of them)? I don't know. Do I want them to be? Absolutely--I'd want them to know God as the Benevolent Heavenly Father that I know Him as. And I also know that, if I'm going to be asking for this to come, I have to invest something for this to happen--time, effort, love, or whatever I need to. I'll also need to fight my doubts and insecurities--I can't simply say that I can't do this, that I don't have the power to help change their destinies. If nothing else, I might be able to influence Luke and Leavi.

Thursday:
That evening, we had a meeting for Grace Drama--as I said before, the script is either completed or effectively done--where we went over some things about it: we'll be starting to rehearse almost every Saturday until Palm Sunday (I'll be one of Jesus' Disciples), and we've got quite a few cast members for both the English and Spanish services (we finally have the people we need to play all but the crowd/rest of the Disciples). I am so EXCITED!!!

Immediately afterwards, there was a memorial for Jonathan Centeno. I initially knew him only as being Wendy Reyes' boyfriend/probable future husband (if I remember right)--for context, Wendy is one of my friends at Grace. So, I figured he had to have been a decent guy. That Sunday, though, they were in a car accident. She survived, albeit shocked; he didn't make it. Out of respect, I decided to attend. Now, they were having the memorial in the Large Chapel, which can seat around 1,000 people. When I got there, almost all the seats were full. As I later found out, Jonathan was a man of God, well-known and cared about by not only hundreds of people but a handful of pastors (including a couple of those that work for Grace). It didn't take too long for me to think, "Wow, I really wish I knew this guy!"

Friday/Saturday:
Steve and I had been planning to go to The Rock and Worship Roadshow since a few weeks ago. It's basically this touring concert featuring all those bands on the home page--note: Bart Millard is the lead singer of MercyMe.

• I got up at around 5:15 a.m. so I could be awake enough to meet Steve by 6:15 or so.
• 6:30-ish, I wanted to take a picture from inside his truck looking outside, as sunrise hadn't exactly come yet. I soon found out the batteries in my camera were dead, so I couldn't take any pictures.
• We ate at Cracker Barrel for breakfast, got gas, and immediately got back on the road. Somewhere between 6:15 and this point, out of lack of much of anything better to do I started writing notes on my copy of the script. I had also noticed that gas prices were higher than usual--figures that they'll try to get a head start before Spring Break.
• We were also planning on going to the Arizona Science Center. I guess we both assumed that it would be something like the Science Museum in Minnesota--I highly recommend it if you're in the Twin Cities for any appreciable length of time. Alas, while it wasn't totally boring, it was mostly designed for younger children--a field trip from some local school was there, and they were definitely more in their element there than were were.
• Soon after, we ate at the Tilted Kilt--a nearby restaurant--for lunch and at the Hard Rock Cafe a little later. Somewhere during that time, we found the motel and got our room.
• It was around 4:30 when we got in line--not too bad, all things considered, and we (along with pretty much everyone else in the line) actually ended up moving ahead closer to the doors. I couldn't really see it, as I couldn't really be bothered to leave my spot, but it seemed that the group of people was spreading quite a distance away (there was around 10,000 people that attended).
• About two hours later, we finally got in. The show itself started at 7 and lasted until 11. Fun was had.
• The next morning, we left to get some late breakfast/early lunch at El Pollo Loco, went to Bass Pro Shops (Steve was looking for... something, I dunno, and I was just looking around), and then went over to Ikea. I had never gone there before, but I had heard about it off and on. Steve got a few things while I got a chocolate and hazelnut candy bar, lingonberry preserves, and a case of 10 batteries--as I later found out, the batteries didn't work for my camera. We ate at Honey Bear's Barbecue due to a previous recommendation by one of Steve's friends--supposedly, it was just as good, if not better, than Famous Sam's. While the food was okay, his friend was mistaken about the quality.
• Got home around 5:30.

I'm not sure what my next post will be on--I'm thinking of posting a story idea I've been developing, and if that goes anywhere I'll work on Chapter 1 of it.

Daniel Fast and More

I've been going through what's called a "Daniel Fast" since the 17th of this month--something my church came up with, I guess. I honestly have only a vague idea about what it's all about, and that part of the idea is to grow closer to God, but here's the essential parts (quoting from memory): no rich foods or sauces, no desserts, no meat, and no soda. At first, I wasn't sure what all the requirements were, so I opted for no soda and only reduced fat foods (nothing over 5 grams). Once I found out, I made the required changes. To be honest, this has to be the longest time I've gone without meat, and I'm actually okay with it--it won't be too permanent, though. As far as drawing closer to Him, it's not exactly hurting. I'm starting to dwell inwardly on a few things more, and oddly enough I found a Fellowship Meeting area on campus--the link might not work, or might redirect to someplace else. Another thing: our church has a rudimentary drama program and I'm planning on getting involved in it--don't get your hopes up; we're mostly talking more along the lines of skits than Shakespeare, though there's still hope for it. Plan on me advertising for it on here! Lastly, I'll be going to a couple of Christian concerts around February--the first one is at Calvary Chapel East Campus, and the other one... somewhere in Phoenix. I'll also be working with Feed My Starving Children with my friend Steve sometime soon, and we're going to be in Hermosillo for the last 3 or so days of Spring Break--expect plenty of pictures! Forgot to pay the sponsor for the Calvary Newsboys concert, so I couldn't go to that; FMSC is off the schedule; and unless anyone else I know is going I won't be in Hermosillo as Steve will be busy during that time with HVAC at Pima and GTTN. (Updated February 14, 2012)
YouTube video:

First Few Days at University, and a few other things

I'm not sure who or what I should properly credit for this--my time at Pima College, my Transfer Strategies class, both, or something else entirely--, but I'll say the following: I wasn't too overwhelmed by my first day. The only thing that I can say was some trouble finding where my classes were, and even then that's not much of a complaint. Going from ~20 people in a classroom to ~80 in one and at least a couple hundred, while odd, isn't so bad for the moment. If anything... I haven't really met anyone there I recognise from either Pima or Benson; for the sake of my sanity, I'll want to make friends here as soon as possible. While my friends at Grace To The Nations have been good, I'd rather not rely on them (or the handful of friends I chat with online) for socialisation. If nothing else, I can try to get to know one of the Teachers' Assistants--that's always useful, I suppose.

I'm going through what's called a "Daniel Fast"--21 days long--which officially started today. I chose to take a fast from soda and most fatty foods (anything higher than 5 grams of fat), along with trying to get closer to God. Aside from being hungrier than usual (I need to find better sources of food), it's going pretty good so far. Okay, so not only does it include soda, but rich foods and sauces, meat (and dairy products?), and desserts. Everything else that I said applies, and I'll have to cut down on my internet time.

Not sure if I already wrote this or not, but back in mid-December I sent out a package to my friend (Yanina) and her 8-year-old daughter (Lara) in Buenos Aires for Christmas--Lara got some art supplies (stuff like glitter pens, coloured pencils, paper) and cards for both of them. They got them today, and both were very happy. Therefore, I'm happy that they're happy and that it finally got there. If I haven't made this note on here, I'll have to remember to use FedEx or a better alternative for stuff like this--Postal Service didn't seem to work.

Friendship Part 2

I was originally going to write this about the friends that I've made since graduating from High School (well, the ones that stand out), but after posting a link to Part 1 on my Facebook, a friend, Brittany Watson, requested the following:
"I was looking forward to more detail about the social connections in high school. I'll stay tuned".
With that in mind, I'll try my best, though I'm guessing you meant how they related to me--if you meant in general, then I might not have that much to write. As you know, it's been less than 4 years since I've graduated, and quite a few of those details are pretty fuzzy, even if you account that I wasn't exactly that aware of what my friends' social lives were like. And if anyone's reading this, thinking, "Who are all these people?", sorry--I'm somewhat writing this for the sort of people who know at least some of these people already.

Freshman Year:
As I said before in Part 1, I came in mostly knowing the friends I had from Pomerene, although there were a couple of people I knew from 4th grade in Benson (basically, Mitchael Richards and Megan Ellsworth). Through the various classes I took (English, Math, Biology, History, Journalism, and probably one other), I started making quite a few of my core friends from High School during this time; I may have still kept to myself more often than not, but at least I could say that my social circle was widening. I'm not sure how relevant this is, but during this time I was on the Basketball team and the Golf team (during fall and spring, respectively).

Sophomore Year:
I can't really remember there being any additions made to my number of friends (aside from what I'll say below--I'm just typing this down from memory), so I'm pretty sure this was a point where I was developing to what I had. To be honest, I can't remember much about this time, although... If it wasn't Freshman Year, this was the year that the Melvin Klan (a group of friends who liked to joke around, play pranks, and such) formed--I wasn't a member, but I got to know pretty much all of them. At the time, I wasn't really used to that sort of thing; in retrospect, however, they weren't too bad--I just prefer to keep my distance from them these days.

Junior Year:
This is when things get interesting. In Part 1, I mentioned how I ended up joining the Drama Club and was in Concert Choir. I already knew Nathan Walls and Alex Heckman since Sophomore Year (those two were in both Drama Club and Choir; I'm sure I knew a couple others that were in both, but I can't remember), although the reasons for joining Drama Club was because my mom wanted me to be in an extra-curricular activity--I didn't do that in Sophomore year. What resulted from this were a number of changes. For one, I made quite a few friends in both Drama and Choir--in the former, not only did I practice with my troupe, but actually got to work together doing something constructive and helped bond with some of my peers. All that, plus acting sort of makes you break out of your shell--you're sort of expected to express yourself in these sorts of conditions. Another thing was having a Spanish class. Now, for those who have never been in a class like this, you're expected to talk--with your neighbour, to the teacher, and to the class--in a language you're not completely familiar with; in my case, I barely knew anything about the language beforehand, so there was that added factor.

Senior Year:
In some ways, this was like my Sophomore year--not so many friends added aside from some of the exchange students, so it was more development. The things I learned from the previous year with regards to not being so withdrawn had changed me. I can remember being in Algebra class that year, and hearing Mr. O'Callaghan's comment towards me--that I had gone from someone who mostly kept to myself and never really talking with anyone around me to someone who felt more comfortable chatting and helping out my friends with their math problems. On the down side... (Stay on topic! Stay on topic!) Okay, on the down side, my emotional maturity wasn't the best. I don't care what you call it--hormonal flux, needing to get my head out of my backside, or whatever. In some cases, I was honestly not as good of a friend as I should have been. I don't want to get into detail about some of that, but let's just say that those were parts of my life that I do not miss.

Friendship (Part 1)

Normally, I would be making this post about my first class at the U of A, and I'll do so in my next one. But, instead, I felt I ought to start talking about something that, if my friends don't know this already, you all should know. It's basically about friendship and how it affects me. And part of me doesn't want me to do this, as though it makes me look like I'm needing a pity party (trust me when I say this: I've gotten over the stuff in the following paragraph! I just wanted to get this out of my system). If I post this, then I've either reworded this enough so I don't think it'll come off that way or I don't even care. And, yes, I might be rambling a bit here.

I've thought about writing about this before I started this blog, but I imagined that it would be under different circumstances. And then I went and got all paranoid after a friend (who will remain nameless) said she would be going through what I would call Spring Cleaning of her friend list. We hadn't spoke in a while, and for reasons that now sound very stupid I thought I'd be lucky if she counted me as an acquaintance. Basically, I got (a little) paranoid about it and was looking for some closure (am I totally off-base about this or what?). Eventually, I got the answer I needed (I was wron about my assumption), calmed down... and got a reminder that I have a tendency to get upset/go flying off the handle.

And, as much as I hate to admit this, she's right. On the one hand, I try to keep this mask of "I'm calm, and everything's all right". On the other hand, sometimes things slip out. I get too nervous for my own good, uptight where I really need to chillll, upset where I don't really need to feel that way... And I can only imagine what my friends and family would add to that description. As with all that, deep down I'd know they're right.

Part of the reason that I acted that what is that, when I get right down to it, I'm afraid of losing my friends. For many years, I barely had any friends at all, and quite a few times it was only one person--when I did have one (or at least someone who'd interact with me that wasn't a relative), more often than not I took it for granted and didn't even recognise what I had, preferring to stay in my shell and rarely ever wanting to reach out. I took a lack of a meaningful social life for granted! Looking back at it all now, not only does it look weird compared to how I feel today, it simultaneously feels bizarre and makes quite a bit of sense in its' own way. As you've probably gathered by now, my social skills, especially before I moved to Arizona, weren't great. It was only when I moved to this region, to a small village called Pomerene, did things start to change.

In Benson and Pomerene, the class sizes are smaller, especially with the latter. As such, you can't just simply hope to hide in the background--eventually, you have to interact with your peers. Between 5th and 8th grade, cracks were definitely forming on my shell. I actually had a regular group of people that I could more or less wanted to interact with, and even spoke with on occasion. Unfortunately, for my dad (who I wasn't living with at the time), this wasn't quite enough. I could tell he was disappointed with the fact that I was so introverted, unlike him--even if he meant well, he made that clear enough for me to pick up on. And although I can't remember the details, he was hoping to change that at his speed, even if I wasn't ready--I'm guessing you can figure out how well that went.

Once I first started going to Benson High School, if nothing else I wasn't going in alone. Freshman year was, naturally, awkward, but at least I made a few more friends. Sophomore year built off from there, although the child support/quasi-custody battle between my mom and dad was a pain. Junior year was when a few things happened: I had joined the Drama Club, I was participating in Concert Choir, and I was starting more and more like I belonged to that school. Drama Club was good for making new friends and making me bust down more of my walls at a pace I was comfortable with, and Concert Choir not only allowed me to make more friends but express myself (something that I really liked). All that helped to add and cement my social network, making my time at Benson feel better.

With those changes, along with the ones I made from then onward (which I'll discuss in a later blog), eventually I just thought that I didn't want to go back to my old social life, where I was lucky to have (and should've been more thankful to have) the friends/people who actually cared that I had. And, as much as it can annoy me at times, those feelings can come out in ways that are just weird.

Random2

Yes, another Random blog... I couldn't help but do this.

First off, I might as well give my class schedule:
Monday-Wednesday-Friday: POL 206--Public Policy and Administration (10:00 am-10:40)
Monday-Wednesday: ECN 202--Macroeconomics (at Pima College-Downtown, from 12:10 to 1)
Tuesday-Thursday: GEOG 379--Urban Growth & Development (12:30-1:45)
I got Urban Growth added yesterday--so thankful there was room!

Tomorrow, I'm going bowling with Steve (one of my friends from church--I figure I'll talk more about him in some other blogs down the line) at Tucson Bowl. I haven't actually gone bowling ever since I was a little kid--the closest thing since then was on a Wii; I figure that I had to have been 8 or 9 at the time, and it was certainly before I moved to Arizona.

Sometime in February, I might be going with Steve (and I don't even know who else might come along) to volunteer for an organisation called Feed My Starving Children--will do my best to take pictures. In April (I'm pretty sure it's in April), we'll be going to Hermosillo--YAY!!! Yes, I will take pictures.

Random1

It's 10:26 at night, I have the urge to blog, I'm fighting off a cold--maybe it's in its' last stages!--and I have no actual subject. But I still want to write! Oh, to hell with it; I'll just write what comes to me!

I'm titling this Random1 because, as I said, there's no real subject this, and I'm sure I'll want to do this again. It's not completely random, and I'm not about to just write the first thing that comes to my head--don't want to do that. I was thinking about blogging about... The best way to describe it is that it's about how I got where I am now religion-wise, and then I thought, "Nah, I'll do that some other time." Maybe when I have some more blogs done. And then I wanted to do an old story of mine that I was working on, but then I looked and realised how little I actually have of it. About that--I actually have a couple of ideas about it, but I can never really seem to get them written...

I was going to go on about this sort of thing--that story, what's it about, ideas I have for other ones, and stuff like that, but then it hit me: I'm going to be attending the University of Arizona in a couple of weeks, and I'm both excited and scared--yes, I know, everyone goes through those feelings. Part of it is simply the transition from Pima College--even though I'll be taking one class there--to the U of A. Sure, I'm not completely unfamiliar with it. I guess it's mostly just the fear of the unknown--how different will it be, can I get through this... And then what? Where do I go from here?

As I said in my previous blog, I'm going for a Political Science degree. The truth is, I can't even really remember where I got that idea. Right now, I can't so much point at a certain event or person that made me think, "Yeah, that sounds like what I should do!"; it's likely more of a case where a bunch of different things came together over a period of time which brought me here. First off, I've been interested in History for basically as long as I can remember, but I knew I didn't want to be a History Teacher--I didn't think I could handle that--and working as, say, a Curator at a museum eventually just sounded interesting and boring at the same time. And yet, I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to do something relevant to history. While I was in Pima, I quickly figured out that Acting, while a decent hobby (if I could ever be bothered to get back into it), should stay a hobby. With all due respect to Business majors--I know that I know a few people who are--, as stable as it probably is, and as tempting as it sounded (if only because I thought I could do that), in the end I just thought, "Do I really want to be doing this for the rest of my life?" and answered, "No, probably not." I was already interested in politics, along with history, and I was looking to do something that would help out the community. I guess that's where it all came together.

For New Years' Eve, I'll probably just stay home. There's nothing going on at church--there was a party last time--so... I have no idea what I'll do.